Back To December Ch 1
by MeAndMunro13
Summary: "I'm sorry for that night." Once again this is inspired by Taylor Swifts new Song Back To December I hope you enjoy
1. back to you

"_Clare I'm messed up I can't do this" Eli was yelling at her he couldn't believe he was raising his voice at her. _

"_Eli I love you that's all there is to it I can't just walk away now!" Clare had given him every part of her she began to cry how could he take something from her something she cherished and then leave her in the cold._

"_You deserve better Clare and that's not me." He said the snow falling lightly in his hair the street lights making the snow glisten. "So everything was a lie…" she said as she trailed off her voice a deep crack. _

_Eli took a deep breath the cold air showing him exhale. _

"_Eli answer me…" she said looking up her blue eyes slightly red from her tears. "If I say yes" Eli said without hesitation Clare felt like her heart had been split in two the warmth in her chest was gone all of Eli and her memories together flipped through her mind. Their first kiss as Romeo and Juliet the time in his car Vegas night she turned away from him she didn't need to hear anymore the crunching of the snow under her sneakers and her sniffles was her soundtrack for her walk home. _

_**3 years later…**_

Clare Edwards Eli thought about that December night wishing he could go back. He had dialed Clare's number but hung up after the first ring he was ashamed. He called Adam occasionally to check in on her Eli would say he wanted to come to town but he was filled with empty promises. He finally called Clare and this time he did not hang up.

"Hello?" her voice was sweet and clear

"Hum Hello Clare" Eli said his voice cracking

"Elijah, is that you?" she said her voice shocked and not sure if it was really him

"Yes it's me…I'm coming to town tomorrow and I'd like to see you." He said hoping she wouldn't hang up

"Um…Sure I suppose that can be arranged." She said his heart rate went up

"Great I'll be in around noon." Eli was excited yet nervous as she gave him directions to her place

"Great Clare I'll see you then?" he was afraid to hang up the phone in fear it would just be a dream

"Yes you will bye now." She said as she hung up the phone Eli was in shock he had finally gotten to her and was going to see her after all this time.

"Hey Adam…I'm coming to town." Eli called Adam as soon as Clare had hung up the phone

"Dude why?" Adam said with a sharp tone in his voice wondering why he would come back just to jerk Clare's chain he had done more than enough.

"I just need to see her talk to her tell her why." Eli's voice was strong he really could care less what Adam had to say he was going back either way.

"Fine dude but I'm not cleaning up your mess anymore." Adam said as he hung up Eli sighed he was afraid if Clare thought that he didn't love her she would give him up and make her move on Eli remembered their last night as a couple:

"_Eli quit it you goose." Clare said with a giggle as he kissed her neck and grazed her ear "come on Edwards how can you resist me?" her skin was getting hot as she began to blush "I can't Goldsworthy" she said with a slight smile he kissed her plump pink lips moving in perfect synchronization she moved herself over him kissing him into the couch._

_Running her hands over his chest and his hands through her golden curls "Eli I love you." She said in a heavy whisper he looked at her "I love you too Clare."_

The love was there. It had never left it was still there he wanted Clare but knew she would never forgive him. His fear his stupidity is what made them drift apart after that night Eli stopped calling texting avoiding her he knew it was wrong but he had given himself to Clare as she had to him. But why was his inner battle stopping him from doing what was right for Clare and him he got in his car and drove to Clare's apartment she had since moved out of her parents house and began life on her own.

He knew that it needed to be done he pulled up to her little apartment on the corner of the street he walked up to the buzzer and found Clare's number with a shaky hand he reached up to press the button "Hello?" Clare's voice was crystal on the other side he felt his knees go weak when her sweet voice met his ears. "Hello Clare this is…" he was cut off but the buzz of the door opening. He went to it and walked up the steps it was nice sort of a loft like place he made it to door 137 and knocked three times. He heard her rummaging around and finally reaches the door

"Eli…I hey" She said not able to form a sentence her curly hair was just as he remembered her eyes the prettiest shade of blue he was mesmerized her lips the plush pink and he just wanted to kiss them.

"Um hey do you mind if we go to the dot or something?" she said quickly he looked behind her seeing her apartment was white and clean he nodded his head quickly she brushed past him and to the elevator he went inside and stood next to her.

The silence so thick you could cut it with a butter knife her smell was sweet and made Eli hate himself for giving her up. "So how is your mom and dad?" he said trying to make light conversation "fine they are fine." He could feel her guard in her voice she didn't want to seem vulnerable.

"What are you doing these days?" he wanted to know if she was happy what was happening with her

She took a deep sigh "I'm just working for a publishing company I'm working to get my own stories published but I'm not sure if that's going to happen."

Eli Looked at her she kept her head down.

They made it down to the street and he followed her to the dot which was just a block away. "Is this rain normal it was sunny when I got here?" He said She kept her distance from him as they made it inside she found a seat as a waiter took their order she looked up at him her eyes still the same baby blues he left behind.

"What is it you want Elijah?" she said her tone sharp and quick

"Clare I'm sorry for everything I shouldn't have done that." He said his words running together. "This is me swallowing my pride I'm sorry about that night I wish I could go back and change everything the way I ended it I never sleep anymore I just think of you I remember our car rides and our first kiss that night we spent at my parents cabin." He stopped himself her face stayed cold with just a hint of remorse "you played your cards Eli you made your decision." She said "I know that night when we both cried and made love under the stars." He said his voice beginning to quiver she shook her head as she looked back down he looked as her curls shook lightly from side to side.

"Clare you have to listen…I was terrible I have been telling myself…I miss you all of your texts your sweet forgiving smile I want it all back if you just let me love you again I will love you right I wish I could go back and fix things I know this apology is long overdue."

He was nearly out of breath he felt tears forming in his eyes her eyes had she had given him everything and all he did in return was say goodbye. "I hated you for so long Elijah." She said he put his hands on hers the warmth making him hurt and ache more "please Clare I was wrong I was afraid." He said a pleading in his voice "afraid, you were afraid?" she said raising her tone Eli knew she was hurt but hoped she would understand "Afraid of what?" she said shifting in her chair "Clare, the last time I had loved someone she died she left me what we had was so real I was afraid to lose you I knew that if I gave you up then…" he trailed off "it all sounds so stupid when I say it out loud…" He looked up at her his hands still on hers. "Eli you should have said something to me anything, instead of making me think what we had was a lie." She was clearly hurt all over again.

"I love you Clare that has never changed." She looked up "I love you Elijah." He felt a relief he smirked tears falling from his eyes "But you made a mistake…" his heart stopped he thought he had won her back he opened his mouth to protest she leaned over the table and kissed him he was surprised he touched her cheek and kissed her back.

"Clare I…" she stood up and grabbed his hand giving it a light squeeze "You know Eli you talk too much."

She said with a smile pulling him up from his seat and out of the restaurant and into the rain he pulled her close and kissed her passionately. The raindrops hitting their skin

"So am I forgiven can we love again?" he said brushing his nose against her cold skin she pulled away and smiled at him "this is your last chance."

"Trust me I'm not going anywhere." He said as they walked back to her place hand in hand.


	2. Just a little bit

Well this WAS going to be a one shot but whatever :)

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As me and Clare made it back to her apartment the rain got heavy and our clothes were sticking to our bodies I held on to her hand tightly I was afraid if I let go she would disappear. We made it inside and the warmth of the complex was a relief Clare walked to the elevator I watched as her hips moved from side to side when she walked to me she was a beautiful piece of art that I wanted all for myself.

When they made it up to her place she walked over to the thermostat and adjusted it "Do you need any clothes?" she said as she threw a towel at me and she dabbed her hair and face. "Nah I'll just stay in my soaked clothes Clare." I said sarcastically she rolled her eyes at me and went down the hall. Her Apartment was nice it was 'Clare' the with lofty walls and the modern kitchen was all her it was very, _very _clean that made me question if she even really lived here

She walked back in the living room wearing sweat pants and a giant t shirt she threw some clothes at me "I like to sleep in guy clothes so you can wear these." She said with a smile

They were grey sweats and a white v-neck "where is the bathroom?" I asked "what you aren't going to change here are you shy Eli?" she said jokingly I went to take my shirt off and she scurried over to me pushing on my chest "bathroom is down the hall tough guy!" she said pushing me down the hall I grabbed her arms and pulled her in the bathroom with me I fell back on the rug and she fell on top of me I smiled at her and kissed her nose

"You just can't keep your hands off me can you Edwards?" she got off me and scoffed

"Don't be so full of yourself Goldsworthy." she helped me up and walked out of the door. I looked at myself in the mirror her blue walls and cinnamon candle helping me relax I couldn't believe I was here with Clare "I will NOT screw this up." I said to myself in the mirror. "Eli have you found a place to stay?" I had realized that I hadn't "Um no not yet why?" I said back to her wadding my wet clothes together and putting them in her laundry room.

"You can stay here…if you want its fine if you don't want to I mean." She stopped talking and looked up at me holding two mugs.

"I'd love to." I replied taking one of the cups from her hands and taking a sip "you make a nice cup of tea Edwards." She blushed and put her hand on my chest. "I missed you." She said quietly I felt my heart break I had caused her so much pain and she still took me back she still loved me I wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head "I missed you so much more." I said holding her close to me her warmth was something my life had been lacking for so long I had been in the dark in the cold

Life without her was too much life without Clare well there was no such thing.


	3. Tell me why

That night Clare and I spent our time talking and catching up.

"So Eli where did you go?" she said with a heavy sigh

"Well my mom kicked me out and so I lived with my dad and that was it pretty much." I cleared my throat and shifted in my seat

"Did you have any more girlfriends…you know after me?" she said it like it was a simple question but I knew where this was going after I left I knew I was trying to fill the void that was Clare.

"They didn't mean anything." I said hoping that would be the end of it. She looked up at me and smiled weakly.

"You know I haven't been with anyone but you."

I put my hand on hers "I love you Clare those other girls don't compare." She moved closer to me and kissed me. "Where do I sleep?" I asked moving closer to her

"The couch" She said smiling against my mouth

"Fair enough" I said she got up and took my cup to the sink and walked to her hall closet grabbing pillows and blankets and bringing them to me a part of me wished that she would let me sleep in her bed with her but I knew that wasn't something Clare would go for not now at least.

"Thanks you are too good to me." I said smiling at her "sleep well Eli" she said walking back to her room.

"Eeeelii… Eli." I heard in my ear and a tap on my shoulder I was startled and jolted falling off the couch "who…what?" I said as my back hit the hard wood. "Oh my goodness are you okay?" Clare was above me and worried helping me up. 

"Yeah I am I'm just I don't know." I said for the first time I had no witty thing to say "you are dressed?" I said confused

"Yeah I have to go to work I'll be back at five." She said with a smile her makeup was light and fit her perfectly she had on a black cardigan and a plum dress and heels.

"you look beautiful" I said kissing her cheek

"Thank you I wish I could say the same for your morning breath and bed head." She said with a laugh "did you pack anything?" she said

"No I didn't I was only coming for the afternoon I didn't think you would let me in or anything actually." Her face fell "Does that mean you're leaving?" she said sadly

I took a deep breath "I'll be back when you get home I live and hour away." I said with a smirk. She put her hand on my neck and smiled "I'll see you then" and with that she walked out the door.

I freshened up and walked to my car and getting to my place soon my place seemed like such a dump compared to Clare's it was clean but nowhere near as nice.

I went to my backroom I looked around my room for clean clothes from the corner of my eye I saw something from my time without Clare something she would know eventually I'm not sure I could keep it for too long .

"Isaiah…" I said in a low whisper the name was always a heavy thing to say.

His big green eyes were something I couldn't deny I felt my breathing grow shallow I sat on my bed and held the picture of him tightly.

I knew I had to tell Clare it was someone that she had to know if we were going to be together.

_If we are going to be together at all I_ thought I scolded myself for being such a pessimist I put the photo aside and continued to pack.

I went to Adams house I really didn't want to be by myself at Clare's he opened the door and we hugged  
"Adam I have to tell her." I said looking at the floor

"Can't you tell her after you have established that you are an item?"

Adam was wrong I had to tell her everything I couldn't keep things from her especially not this

"I'd love to do that but it just doesn't seem right."

"Dude you just got her back I'm pretty sure there is a time period on important things to tell her." Adam acted like I was just going to tell her that I had a extra toe.

No it was much more than that.


	4. Tiny heart

I hope you all are enjoying Back To December I really want to know your thoughts and predictions

review and let me know.

I love feedback and it makes me so sad this has only gotten 5 :P

Anyway read on!

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I got back to Clare's about 10 minutes before 5 I tried to kill as much time as I could I was going to tell Clare when she seemed ready.

I picked up so things for dinner I made some pasta and a salad I wanted to do something nice for her. She was letting me stay here and I wanted to have her comfortable when I told her more about my past.

I set the table and bought some champagne I heard the door open and the click of her heels. "Eli I… whoa it smells awesome in here." She said walking into the kitchen and wrapping her arms around my waist "I'm glad you are hungry." I said stirring the pot of red sauce "how was work?" I asked tuning around and hugging her "It was work three people got book deals and so it was pretty hectic." She said pulling away and walking back to her room. I took a sigh and made us both plates she walked back in wearing Jeans and a blue t-shirt. "So what did you do today Eli?" she asked sitting in her seat and picking at her salad and smiling "I went home…" I paused thinking of what something painful "And went to see Adam went to the store you know just things" I said trying to lighten the mood she ate her salad and smiled at me

"I had no idea you could cook this is amazing." I smiled at her and laughed "I have had too cook my whole life Clare I can make a meal out of anything." It was true my mother never cooked for me it was nothing or whatever I could whip up myself. Once I moved in with my dad he tried to cook but failed miserably so I'd cook every meal "How is your dad?" she asked casually I cleared my throat "He passed away about a month ago." I said as I began to eat my pasta

"I'm so sorry I didn't know" Clare said

"Its okay don't worry about it." I looked up at her and she had a look on her face she felt bad "how did he pass away?" she asked

"Well he battled lung cancer for years and it finally caught up with him" I said

"That's terrible it must have been hard for you…" this is why I loved Clare she was so sympathetic and caring she was sweet and understanding.

"He was all I had left but he taught me everything he knows so he's with me always I know it." I used my father's advice in everything I did he was everything I wanted to be I was never really religious but I believed in a better place after this life.

"Why did your mother kick you out?" she was very inquisitive but I didn't mind at all.

"She got a boyfriend and having me around when they couldn't keep their hands off each other was not something they liked or wanted at all so she sent me to live with my dad; It was the best thing she could have ever done." I was thinking about my dad and how much I missed him but I kept my strong front on I could be upset later.

"Clare we really need to discuss some things." I cleared my throat I didn't want to ruin this and keeping things would do just that.

"What is it Eli you can tell me anything." She said worry in her voice

"When we weren't together I was seeing someone…" I trailed off I could see her dinging in my head her bright red hair catching the light and making it shimmer and shine.

"Her name was Abigail we were sort of serious but she wasn't you we…well we broke up in the middle of March two years ago and it was because of differences we could never agree on anything and I just didn't love her." My heart rate was going up and I felt my face flush.

"Well when we broke up she packed up and moved and I didn't hear from her and I figured that was the end of it until I got a phone call from her mother about a month after she left. Asking me if I was proud of what I had done to her daughter." Clare gave me a confused face "I hadn't a clue what she was talking about me and Abigail broke up there was no bad blood between us at all so I thought." I shifted in my seat "Clare Abigail was pregnant and I didn't know that when we had broken up."

I felt my whole body shake when I finally said it Clare's face was emotionless "then what did you do Eli?"

She got up and moved to a seat next to me putting her hands on mine "called Abigail and asked her why she hadn't told me… she said that I showed no interest in children so she didn't think I'd want to know." I rolled my eyes remembering me and Abigail's conversation she was pretty but definitely not that bright when it came to life altering decisions.

"Well she told me she was keeping the baby to which I replied I wouldn't want it either way it was my baby Clare I would never I couldn't imagine not having him or her abortion and adoption were never _ever_ an option." I knew how many guys were ditching the girl suggesting abortion and adoption. But I wasn't going to do that.

"Eli what happened to the baby in the end?" Clare's voice quivered as she squeezed my hand

"Isaiah was born and was very healthy I moved closer to Abigail so I could be with Isaiah as he grew up I hated not being with him." I said rubbing my face and looking at Clare she smiled weakly at me

"When he turned one Abigail didn't want me to see him anymore she thought I wasn't a good enough father for Isaiah… I was with that boy 24/7 Clare I bathed him took him places I love him he is my life my son."

I felt my voice crack and I held it back Clare put her hand on my face and wiped a tear off my cheek.

"I fought for custody of him but all I have is visitation and she moved very far away so I hardly see him at all." My heart ached I'd give anything to be able to see Isaiah to hold him like I used to. "I understand if you don't want me anymore Clare I have too much baggage." I said willing to let her go if she didn't want this.

"Elijah I could never not want you and I'm in love with Isaiah already." She said kissing my hand I felt a huge relief "When do I get to meet the little guy?" she said with a smile "I love you Clare so much." Was all I could say I was in awe of the woman I had.

"I love you Eli and I can't judge you for your past babies are miracles, gifts and you were strong and a man about it of course I'm sort of sad that you think I'd react horribly to that."

I looked at her lifting her chin her soft skin I looked into her blue eyes "I have put you through so much already I couldn't imagine putting you through anything that might cause you pain or sadness that is the last thing I would ever want to do." She smiled tears in her eyes I kissed her and felt how strong the love between us was.


	5. Missing you

I know this is really stupid I feel like I don't want to continue but whatever Read on!

* * *

Abigail going to help me gain full custody of him "I have a friend who is a lawyer she could help you get Isaiah but usually court goes in favor of the woman." She said as she walked to the kitchen to make some coffee. I had moved in fully about a month ago and gotten a job at a book store at the corner of the street Clare and I were not sharing a bed we are never even physically intimate. I had tried to contact Abigail but she sent me straight to voicemail it was becoming frustrating enough for me to want to go and see her. I didn't know how Clare would feel about that so I decided that I would try to deal with it myself and try to do my part for Isaiah. I walked to my room and pulled out my phone Isaiah was my background his pouty lips and big green eyes I missed the noises he would make as he slept, the messes he made. I scrunched my mouth to one side and went into my contacts and finding Abigail's number I dialed and she picked up after the 5th ring.

"Hello?" she said her voice scratchy I could hear the T.V blaring in the background

"Abigail its Eli" I said quickly fearing she would hang up

"What is it Eli?" she said not sounding like she wanted to hear from me at all

"I want to see Isaiah…" I kept my tone strong.

"I guess that can be arranged…when do you want to see him?"

"Next week all week…" I waited for her response

"What the hell Elijah you can't just up and take him like that!" she snapped

"Abby I haven't seen him in 2 months you have been keeping him from me!" I raised my voice at her I was becoming very frustrated

"Maybe if you were a better father I wouldn't!" she yelled back at me

"A _better_ father I was there though your WHOLE pregnancy and I was there when he was born I paid for his appointments and bought him everything. How could you even begin to say I wasn't a good father?" I was disgusted with what she had said I was being a man about it so many would have left walked away.

"You broke up with me Eli you left me!" she said her voice sounding like she was going to cry

"Abby we have to be honest with ourselves we weren't in love with each other." I hated to say it but it was very true we didn't

"But you had to have felt something for me if we made Isaiah…" she said her voice cracking

"I'm picking up Isaiah Sunday alright; you I'll bring him back next week." I said I didn't want to fight with her any longer.

"Alright I'll get him ready for you I'll see you then Eli." She hung up the phone I took a deep sigh and sat on my bed the last night me and Abigail were intimate we were very intoxicated. I felt horrid about it we had been together for a while but we weren't ready for that. I hated that I didn't love her like she loved me.

Clare walked into my room and sat next to me on my bed "So I heard you in the living room are you alright?" she put her hand on mine and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Just another fight nothing big just don't worry about it" I said to her smiling.

"I get Isaiah all week next week I pick him up Sunday"

"That's great Eli I can't wait to meet him!" she said I looked at her and smirked.

"Eli I've been thinking that I want you to move into my room." She was beginning to blush

"Well I don't know…" I leaned in and kissed her she put her hand on my neck and ran her hands through my hair I caressed her curls and kissed her cheek. "I'll take that as a yes?" she said out of breath and red as ever

"It's a hell yes."


End file.
